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AMPUTEE CHAT NEWSLETTER

VOLUME 2 # 8

MARCH 4, 1996

IN THIS ISSUE

NOTES FROM John & Joyce Meyer
"LETTERS TO THE EDITOR"
GENERAL INFORMATION
HINTS and TIPS
QUOTE/THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

1.) NOTES FROM John & Joyce

COURAGE?
Joyce K. Meyer
© Copyright March 1996

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Warning: A little dramatic, but realistic, course language is used. Please skip to below if you are easily offended.

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Why is it, when someone comments "You're so brave!" or "You have such courage," that makes some of us feel very awkward, uncomfortable, and maybe makes our hair stand on end?

Some of us have that reaction. I've heard that phrase a few times ("You're so brave, etc.") and I've wondered, "are they talking about *me*?" It has something to do with our individual perception of what "courage" really is. I used to think that courage was facing tremendous odds and the possibility of death. The image that "courage" brought to the forefront of my mind was a soldier, a firefighter diving into a burning building or police officer. All truly courageous occupations and acts--which did not include me...I'm not "one of those." I couldn't imagine how anything that I ever did was "courageous."

Then some years ago, I began to redefine my idea of "courage;" to this day, I'm still evaluating what courage encompasses and means to me. I've appreciated so many "courageous" acts that I suppose I've developed a "scale" or grades causes of courage.

Involuntary Courage

This is the courage that arises unconsciously; a "decision" was not required, i.e. there was no self-determination to be brave or courageous (well perhaps, not initially).

1) You are walking down the street, having a typical day, your mind on getting to the post office or some other direction. A speeding car jumps the curb and in an instant you are in the air, down on the ground and damaged--you may or may not be conscious. Supposing that you are rushed into surgery, you are under anesthesia--you are not conscious, but your body has the "instinct" (?) to continue to function--to survive. Whether the body is successful or not, it tries...it works...it strives to survive. The heart tries to beat, the lungs try to breath, and even on a cellular level the organs that are able to, continue their attempt to do what the "creator" design them for; make new cells, produce urine, constrict and coagulate to stop bleeding etc. etc. (The human body is SO amazing.) Now, there are times, I'm certain that a conscious attitude, something inherent in the personality, contributes to what the unconscious can do...but this happens to people that have never even given much thought to the matter.

Even unconscious, we can vomit if there's something the body determines it must get rid of--a risk for some people, a danger for infants. And coughing...sometimes conscious, sometimes unconscious. Ever try and "will" yourself to not cough? Difficult, isn't it? (Pass me the Robitussin, please. [grin])

I think, that sometimes, the body performs it's own triage:

Brain: Oh man, we're bleeding--losing oxygen to the brain. OK, right now we have to keep working. Shut down blood flow to the stomach, it doesn't matter if that burrito stays there for awhile. Lets see, we don't need a lot of blood to the kidneys at the moment, let's turn that down too. Right now, we've got to send platelets to the wound and keep the brain working!

(Sorry,...digressing a moment...just letting you look inside my head for a second...the body and the mind are just so awesome! So much is always going on inside that we never pay attention to, that we take for granted.)

Despite the odds and risks and pain the body struggles to go on. On the cellular or unconscious level is there a concept of courage? I don't think so, I think the body just "mechanically" does what it was made to do.

Involutary Courage With a Voluntary (?) Response

2) You become the victim of an accident, perhaps as described above, or another statistic of some insideous disease. You did not chose this trial. It came to you, you didn't want it. But here you are, none-the-less. The are no options--unless you count the two very blunt ones...to give up, or to proceed.

Is this the courage that comes from "no other choice?" Is this the hardest "shade" of courage? I've not completely decided yet, but it is perhaps the one that angers most.

As my friend says of her experience after a near fatal car accident: "When someone would say to me how brave I was (am) and how they admire me for my courage I just want to choke the livin' s*** out of them. I HAD NO CHOICE! That's not necessarily courage. I feel SO uncomfortable when someone says that to me. I could live or I could die. I decided not to die--I decide to live and was determined to gain the most quality and meaning from life." She knew that they were sincere and would try to take it as a compliment of respect, as it was no doubt intended; it still felt uncomfortable. While she doesn't perceive her determination as courage and I agree with her point, accepting her feelings; I still perceive her as having courage even though she does not, perhaps because to me, courage includes the elements of obstacles and challenges.

Voluntary Courage

Ah, now this gets REALLY complicated and involved. I don't think there's a chance of getting ALL of this into words...but I'm going to try to relay some of it, by examples, and I hope I successfully convey the idea:

1) You reach for a pot of boiling water and you've not used a potholder (let's skip the part about this being a dumb idea--it happens.) You've got this hot pot in you hand and the nerves send this urgent distress call to the brain, "LET GO! It's too hot!" It happens without thinking doesn't it...involuntary reflex?

Your conscious brain "may" kick in, "You idiot! If you let go, that little heat and blister on your hand is going to translate into a BIG hurt when the heavy hot pots hits the floor or counter and splashes scalding water all over you. Don't drop it! Just quick, put it down!"

These are nearly instantaneous thoughts, actions and reactions, but, if you had the foresight to consider the outcome and choose to not let go, then this (to me) is an act of courage (albeit an minor one); the courage to suffer one pain in prevention of a worse consequence.

2) Let's say you have an elective surgery pending. We'll make it simple, like an impacted wisdom tooth.

The dentist takes x-rays and can see that there is impaction in progress, it's going to be a problem. At the moment, it is not hurting and there isn't a problem. If you act now, you possible forestall the complications of abscess, unexpected and uncontrolled pain. Your other option is that you can do nothing procrastinating until you can't stand it. You might like to convince yourself that it'll never happen, everything will be just fine. You might decide, "if it ain't broken, don't fix it." You may wait and then not be able to chose your time, and place--have the dental problem surface at a very inopportune moment, like out-of-town or on the weekend of your daughter's wedding. The easy out: do nothing; after all, you don't HAVE TO, no one is forcing you or "putting a gun to your head."

You give it some thought and though you are not forced to do anything, you decide that for you, it is better to endure the pain (expense,--whatever is the key to the decision) now, than the consequence later. This is another "small" courage.

3) (This is sort of derived from a real event.)

You've been driving along the Beltway and are now stuck in traffic. Your mind wanders and you find you are looking up into the gray skies; the winter air, in fact, feels like snow, as the radio weather report has just predicted. But wait a minute...Boy, that plane's coming in awful low! Holy S***! It's gonna hit the bridge! Your hand is already on the seat belt and your car door is open before you even see the crash. Your first instinct is to run away; the plane looks like it's head right for you After you reach safety, you are out of immediate danger, you look back. Now, your feet are running like mad and you're at the side of the bridge in time to get splashed with some icy river water as the plane impacts. You already hear other people getting out of their cars and part of you is aware that others are running to the rail too. Real time ceases and you are now in surreal time, watching, thinking at incomprehensible speeds. Your brain begins this ludicrous dialog while screams are registering in your ears:

Oh my God all those people! I've got to do something! No you idiot, you can't do anything, it's too late--you'll die! That water is cold, the current is swift, you're not a hero, you're not trained. Let someone else do it.

(But no one else is doing anything, they are all in shock and some are even going through the same thoughts as you are.)

In the meanwhile, there is a major amount of adrenaline pumping and maybe it's that adrenaline rush affecting your brain.

"What if my wife or child was on that plane," you think? "Maybe I can do something, save SOMEBODY. Damn it, you fool--"you say to yourself, "that's what they're going to call you, say about you, if you do this stupid thing you are thinking--*if* you live. But how will I live with myself--how will I look my self in the mirror day-after-day...how can I just stand by and watch people die, how can I stand by and NOT TRY? At least, I can know I tried...

Your survival instinct argues: You don't even know these people!

And then there is that suspended moment, that "flash" in your head: It doesn't matter. I have to try!

You stop "thinking" and start "doing." You've decide and you are not afraid to move ahead anymore. Shoes come off, jacket--you're up on the rail and, splash, your in the water. The focus is no longer the internal dialog--the argument whether to do or not to do...but, to succeed.

Hours later, on the shore, with an EMS blanket around you and a news team microphone shoved in your face you hear some words: "hero, courage, bravery." It dawns on you that they are talking about you! You haven't yet grasped all that happened, you might be a little in shock yourself...your memory sort of blurry about the details other witnesses are describing. You feel a little embarrassed and awkward...you never even thought of yourself in that way. Now there is someone praising you, intently listening, and asking "How did you do it? Why did you do it?"

And you shrug your shoulders and say, "I dunno...." and after a pause, you say, "I just knew I had to do something."

Where Did "It" come From?

[[courage--1. That quality of mind which meets danger or opposition with intrepidity, calmness, and firmness; the quality of being fearless; bravery.]]

I have a little conflict regarding Funk & Wagnall's inclusion of fearless. I think that fear is a co-dependent of courage. There are ways that fear and courage are companions, not opposites. In terms of computers, "fear" is the TSR (Terminate and Stay Resident) program. Fear plays a part in the background and is either disabled in the autoexec.bat file or the "hot-key" is not invoked, to be determined by the software user. Where ther is fear there is also courage.

I believe that inside of every person, there is courage. It may go unrealized, ignored, unchallenged--but it is there. It is part of the human conscious--even the unconscious. Courage doesn't have to be "for" someone else, it can be, perhaps should be, for ourselves. Some of us never know the depth and strength of our own humanity (dwelling instead on the frailties?); some even forcefully deny it--we lose the argument of the inner dialog and our courage remains an untapped resource. We often have little problem in recognizing this quality in others but doubt that it is a part of our nature.

I believe there are many levels of courage, many applications, and a crisis of the body or the soul is what brings it to maturity.

Be assured that when I say "be of good courage" or use "courage" in any sentence, the thought rallies a troupe of acrobats, somersaulting and cartwheeling through my mind. Courage is not a word I use lightly, it is a weighty word.

How Does This Relate to Amputees?

Making treatment and care decisions, can take courage. Getting up for another day of therapy, can take courage. Opening that doctor--now that takes real courage! <grin> (I had to leave you with a little laugh didn't I?)

I'll leave it for the individuals to draw the dotted lines of connectivity. As I remarked above, we all have our perceptions of what courage is.

I'll conclude for now, with my perception: We are all heroes, at sometime, to someone, even in some "small" way, and I value everyone who has courage...even those with "latent" courage.

:D This means we value all of YOU!

((Okay, I'm going to ask again...send me email with YOUR ideas and thoughts about COURAGE. I'll put responses in next week's LETTERS TO THE EDITOR unless you want to respond privately.))

Next week's newsletter, Monday, MARCH 11th, will be delayed and there will not be a Chat that Monday evening. (see next note)

John is scheduled to attend and speak at the National Conference of Rural Assistive Technology in Indianapolis March 11-13th, at the Holiday Inn North. (Providing he has no health set backs...so far, it's looking pretty good.) He will be tentatively speaking on the 11th from 11am--noon and on the 12th, from 4pm--5 on Prosthetics and Adaptive Aids for Farmers w/ Amputations. If you're there, stop in and say "hi."

(This conference is associated with Breaking New Ground.)

Maybe we'll be able to share some information about the Conference in the next newsletter.

2.) "LETTERS TO THE EDITOR"

Since most of the email this week was of a private nature and the NOTES sections was so long, we are posting no mail in this issue.

3.) GENERAL INFORMATION

THE ADVICE (DISCLAIMER)

Please be sure to read the information at this link at least once.

4.) HINTS AND TIPS

TIPS

Upper extremity

(This tip generally applies to body powered users.)

After a discussion with my prosthetist about how hot and uncomfortable my prosthesis can be, he bored several holes, neatly, around and up and down the length of the socket assembly. This improved the air circulation and comfort.

Lower extremity

Aluminum crutches are the norm and quite popular, but the wooden crutches can be painted to fashionably coordinate with clothing. You may want to have the original finish professionally stripped, it will save time trying to do it all yourself.

Have a hint, tip, or suggestion? Please email us and we will consider it for use in the newsletter or chat room.

5.) QUOTE/THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'...You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

--Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

(YOU LEARN BY LIVING)

It is you responsibility to read the DISCLAIMER.

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